Sunday 13 October 2013

Dear diary.

I had a disagreement with him. We are both feeling hurt and bitter towards each other. We don't use swear words or anything,.. just.. cold. I was confused and need another opinion (my brain is too crowded right now) - so I asked the opinion of another sister who is already married. Good decision to ask her, because married people know more. Yes singles often give good advice too, but sometimes the advice is too good to be true applied hehe. Too textbook! In this case, having experience is more helpful


So I wrote it all down (I'm texting with that sister). I wrote what happen, what I feel, what the problem is and so on.. BUT, when I read it back, those words look so stupid and pointless. Like, so.. where is the problem?

Makes me wonder, what are we fighting about actually? It doesn't look that serious when I write it all down. I even thought "hmm should I exaggerate some stuff so it will look like more dramatic?" lol.


What are we fighting about, sayang?


I personally think we will be OK after married, when we do more things together , when we spend more time together- instead of being separated by miles, and try to copy what other short-distance-couple do.


Anyway I feel a bit better after talking with that sister (may Allah bless her and family). Here I'll share some of the things that she said to me.

"Trust me, when u get married, u start to realise that both of your differences jadi lagi banyak. Nanti dekat kahwin lagi akan rasa. Is he the right one for me? etc etc. Akak pun solat hajat n istikharah till the day nak kahwin."

"There will be storms every now and then - but do your tahajud and all together. InsyaAllah it will help a lot."

"But meanwhile.. as a rule of thumb, if he jaga hubungan dengan Allah, solat, puasa, zakat semua. InsyaAllah, khayr (good) untuk consider sebagai husband."

"But don't stop praying, making dua, studying and reading about mariage.. because marriage is a powerful element in Islam.. talaq is the most disliked halal thing by Allah."

And a few more, which I will just keep for me..


So, for now, IDK. Maybe this is the roller coaster of relationship. Being far away for too long give us pressure. I hope he (and even me) doesn't be all cold for too long. Because at the same time, other guys are being so warm and nice to me. Like those who never approach me suddenly try their luck. What is this? Law of universe?

I'm such a hopeless Lily.

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