Rise and shine

Dear diary,


Today I feel calm, content, and happy.

I think it is because it's Arafah Day :)

I accept that there are things we couldn't change, like death, health (we can prevent, but once the illness strikes, we couldn't undo it) or even history. Things happen for a reason - we may know it, and we may not. But Allah knows. And I feel safe, knowing that whatever happens in my life/ surroundings, Allah already plans it. So why should I be sad or anything. He's All Aware and full of Mercy. I remember a saying (not quite remember if it is a hadith or something else) that said we should be glad, that we are in the hands of Allah, instead of our mother. Because Allah is more merciful to us, than a mother to her child. His love is even greater than a mother's love! So amazing! Well, he CREATES love.

I still feel a bit sad after the misunderstanding with my (hopefully) other half. I wish he still remember our old days years ago. What makes he fall in love with me in the first place. Why he chooses me. Back then, I was so naive, clueless and dependent. And he's ok with it. He's so protective. I feel so loved and cared for. But now, I think he is lost in his search for the ideal relationship/ marriage/ woman. I feel like telling him, "Perfect doesn't exist." Like, when we see a happy perfect couple, we always wish "aww I wish I could be like them!" but we don't know what kind of probs that they are having. What kind of fight. What kind of issues. We just see the surface. We don't LIVE with them 24/7.

Do you know that some other people, see us as perfect couple too?

Lol life is funny isn't it!

I hope you find your way out, because I still love you :)

In case if you forget your "old" girlfriend, here's things about me that you need to remember:

For me:

... and more, which u already remember.

Dear diary.

I had a disagreement with him. We are both feeling hurt and bitter towards each other. We don't use swear words or anything,.. just.. cold. I was confused and need another opinion (my brain is too crowded right now) - so I asked the opinion of another sister who is already married. Good decision to ask her, because married people know more. Yes singles often give good advice too, but sometimes the advice is too good to be true applied hehe. Too textbook! In this case, having experience is more helpful

So I wrote it all down (I'm texting with that sister). I wrote what happen, what I feel, what the problem is and so on.. BUT, when I read it back, those words look so stupid and pointless. Like, so.. where is the problem?

Makes me wonder, what are we fighting about actually? It doesn't look that serious when I write it all down. I even thought "hmm should I exaggerate some stuff so it will look like more dramatic?" lol.


What are we fighting about, sayang?


I personally think we will be OK after married, when we do more things together , when we spend more time together- instead of being separated by miles, and try to copy what other short-distance-couple do.


Anyway I feel a bit better after talking with that sister (may Allah bless her and family). Here I'll share some of the things that she said to me.

"Trust me, when u get married, u start to realise that both of your differences jadi lagi banyak. Nanti dekat kahwin lagi akan rasa. Is he the right one for me? etc etc. Akak pun solat hajat n istikharah till the day nak kahwin."

"There will be storms every now and then - but do your tahajud and all together. InsyaAllah it will help a lot."

"But meanwhile.. as a rule of thumb, if he jaga hubungan dengan Allah, solat, puasa, zakat semua. InsyaAllah, khayr (good) untuk consider sebagai husband."

"But don't stop praying, making dua, studying and reading about mariage.. because marriage is a powerful element in Islam.. talaq is the most disliked halal thing by Allah."

And a few more, which I will just keep for me..

So, for now, IDK. Maybe this is the roller coaster of relationship. Being far away for too long give us pressure. I hope he (and even me) doesn't be all cold for too long. Because at the same time, other guys are being so warm and nice to me. Like those who never approach me suddenly try their luck. What is this? Law of universe?

I'm such a hopeless Lily.

Reset happiness

Today I decided to be happy. Or at least, not to be sad.

Things wouldn't change no matter how sad I am. Dad will still be sick, and only will get better if Allah will. Things will pretty much stay the same..

..but I do miss him, though. I miss the 'old' dad (it's funny to say this, because now dad is older than his 'older' version). I miss the time when he is still healthy - able to walk, think, discuss things, and able to remember. Able to make sense to what am I saying, and able to respond back (even though he disagrees most of the time - like when I told him that I want to be an architect - now I'm GLAD he didn't allow me to pursue that 'dream'! phew - studying architecture is too tiring and stressful)

It's OK, Bie.

It's OK.

At least I have something nice to remember, no matter how long ago the memory is.

...

Don't be sad. Don't be sad. Don't be sad. Think about something else!

So, one of the ways to not be sad is - talking about food.

Yesterday I made this:

Steamed fish (with garlic, ginger, and carrots) and... BUDU!!

This is the first time I eat budu here, after 3 years staying in Melbourne! Actually I already brought budu here during my 1st or 2nd year, but I forgot all about it until it expired. It comes in packets and not bottle, but still the same brand - BUDU CAP KETEREH! Beli kat Giant. Taste the same oh yum ;)

And today I cook prawn noodles. I don't have that nice fat yellow noodles so I just use whatever noodles I have, to clean up the cabinet because I'll be going back to Malaysia soon!

Taste so prawny.

Ok lah, time to study a bit, and continue being strong.

Alhamdulillah, for everything I have. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

No matter how hard Allah test us, make sure we gain His redha during the process, or else we loss two things - things that we are tested with, and His redha. Nauzubillah dowan dowannn

My blog song now.

Let Her Go - Passenger

Well you only need the light when it's burning low 

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
And you let her go 

Staring at the bottom of your glass 
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last 
But dreams come slow and they go so fast 
You see her when you close your eyes 
Maybe one day you'll understand why 
Everything you touch surely dies 

Staring at the ceiling in the dark 

Same old empty feeling in your heart 
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast 
Well you see her when you fall asleep 
But never to touch and never to keep 
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep 

Actually there's another meaning of "Let Her Go". No, not my love life. It's something else. But again, things won't change, no matter how deeply I think and try to understand it.

A very long story.

Hmm... I deleted my previous post (about my opinion regarding a very kind facebook status of a public figure and the bad comments she got) because I don't think it is necessary. I make this blog to be as much low profile as possible, so that I can be more personal here.

And writing controversial stuff here and then share that on facebook doesn't help lol

Today,

I just feel like writing.

Pouring my heart out, or whatever you would call it.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to write. But I will just - write.

I have been in LDR, for x years. Depends on what your definition of LDR is.

If LDR means not in same school/college/workplace: then it's about 5 years now

If LDR means being separated by miles and miles: then I'm reaching the end of 3rd year, same like my Degree (I'm now in Melbourne)

When I think back, sometimes I am amazed by the journey that we went through. Like, "oh wow - we survive up until here."

The journey is pretty smooth, but sometimes it is not easy. It takes up your energy. It plays trick with your mind and emotions. It tests every single piece of faith that you had (I'm not talking about love affairs - I'm talking about the feeling when you've been so far away from someone you love - for a long, long time)

I find communicating through texting and facetime very helpful. Thank you technology! But sometimes I miss being near :( So we can really talk - like, face to face. So you can really see me. Read my face. Spontaneous. So we can talk about the butterfly that suddenly come passing by, or about the weird weather today - or about my undone shoelaces. Anything. Facetime is cool, but it feels weird. I'm staring at the screen.. with your face on it (I spend most time checking my face too). It seems...pathetic. But still, I find it really amazing that we always have something to text about - everyday - for 5 years. 

He is my bestfriend.

And yes this is not friendzone. ehe.

The bad part about being apart is - my feelings are disguised. Sometimes I'm feeling A, but because all the texting that I had to do/think to get it through - it shows as if I'm feeling B. Demit. Miscommunication. 

The good part about being apart is - I can disguise my feelings. 

Here's how. I met him around a year before my dad got stroke. It was during my last sem in INTEC - what with the exams, preparing myself to fly to Melb - and it happened. Apparently the stroke affects the memory and speech part of my dad. So he couldn't remember/ understand things, and couldn't talk. He becomes a baby again. His body is there, but it feels as if he has been missing. It gets worse as years passes.

It is hard. Up until now, up until 4 years later. So, to put it simply, I get sad regularly. And I feel stupid to show him (my other half) my sadness that many times. Because it is not a news anymore. I know he will always comfort me if I say that I feel sad, but I couldn't bring myself to say that I am sad that often. 

But the sadness doesn't go away. It feels like I lost one of my wings. Not that easy to 'get over it'.. So, everyday I have to wear this strong face mask and face the world. Face him. Face my housemates. Even face the wall. It works. Yay. I really feel strong, but whenever I remember stuff about dad, I hit the wall and end up crying. Literally with tissues and all. Often nobody notice because we are not in the same room anyway, or if we are in the same room, we are not facing each other (table arrangement)- and I'm such an expert at crying silently. The tears just flow - and flow - and flow - just like when you are watching korean movies. Except there's no movie.

Then I realised that I'm getting depressed (I diagnosed myself lol)

Because I feel unmotivated. Nothing entertains me. I never feel like this before. It's a different feeling than just "boring". It's a constant feeling of sadness and low mood. Not like stress, it is just - I lost my feelings. I don't feel. I feel happy when something good happens, I feel scared when something scary happens - but when the event passed, I get back to my low mood. 

What is this?

What am I feeling?

(is it because exam is coming?)

Anyway I think this will pass. I'm not that weak *putting mask on

I miss u dad.

I miss u, my other half.

I am tired of texting (this will pass too). I wish we can just sit together and eat sushi. Must be nice.

Tomorrow is MONDAY.

Tomorrow is MONDAY. After A MONTH without any class (3 weeks of placement and 1 week of Spring Break). I feel like it was a very loooongg time ago. And this is the first time something like this occur, because often if there is a month break, like winter break - I went back to Malaysia hehe. So it's a new feeling, going to class after  a break, but not Malaysia-break.

Actually no need to be so dramatic about it. ehehe

.. because placement is NOT actually a break *sigh.

It was my first working experience too. So the overall experience is like "welcome to adult/ working life - now suffer". A bit like that. However I'm glad that I'm not a zero-working-experience-virgin anymore! I have 3 weeks of experience! (so proud). Now I know how pharmacy works, the dispensing system, management system, the prescription meds, OTCs, methadone programs, making creams and suspension etc, webster packs, and everything. 

Bdw last night I updated my iOS. Finally. I don't really like the new iOS, I but because I'm feeling too curious, I finally click the update button.

And I don't like it! Huwaaaaaaaa

It looks too professional and small and thin. But but but I like the previous look! :0 The latest template is a bit off from my previous screen wallpaper (home screen), so I have to find other wallpaper! Aiyaa

Anyway here's my lock screen with new iOS. I love this pic. From app "Wallpaper"

Hm. I don't have the mood to do anything today. Monday blues but it's not even Monday yet ehehe. Weekend blues!

Have a nice weekend everyone.


Be a good muslim.

My first post!

Oh hi! :D

My first post! *claps

I have a blog before, but it's getting weird when everybody knows everybody. And somehow I don't feel like sharing much things there anymore. Like, something is holding me back. Maybe shyness (or laziness). I need new motivation! So I was looking forward to create a new blog, and start anew (sounds so OCD)

and I just did!

But it took such a LONG time just to figure out what to name my new blog! All the cliche names are taken! (WHY I like cliche names too?) So I name my blog Peppermint Tea, because that's my favourite drink now. And the url, peppermint is taken again sigh so I just make "peppermint1234". Seems good enough! Couldn't spend hours just to solve this naming issue

A little bit about me - (you'll know more about me as time passes) I'm from Malaysia. I like writing and drawing! Now I'm 22 years old, studying Pharmacy in Australia. Will grad next year insyaAllah! I'm still figuring out what else that I would like to do in my life, besides being a pharmacist.

Well let's all discover it together!

See ya then!

Actually there's another motivation about this whole let's-make-a-new-blog thing

just got this eeehehehe I'm so excited! Just 11", because I'm mini size fun size too!

Alhamdulillah